One of my favorite shows is HGTV’s “Help! I Wrecked My House.” The host, Jasmine Roth, is a talented designer and contractor, very engaging, and – importantly – operates in reality. She talks honestly and directly about the budget, what can or can’t be achieved with it, and how essential it is to set aside a reserve for the unpredictable. A contingency fund.
It’s this last part … holding something in reserve … that struck me when I was watching an episode recently.
Each of us needs something in reserve to help us navigate whatever life throws at us. A contingency fund – of energy, balance, support – established in advance in order to have the resources and wherewithal to deal with the unexpected when it strikes.
As you look at the stage of life you’re in, consider what you might need this reserve for.
Unplanned career shifts. Raising toddlers or teens. Elder care challenges. Work stress. Death of a loved one. Family or relationship breakdowns.
In my experience, we only learn to budget for chaos or crises by living through chaos and crises. And I’ve been there a few times.
If any of this sounds familiar or if you know you’re heading into a stage of life that may ratchet up the chaos or the demands on you, your energy, and your time, please give some consideration to how you can create your own contingency fund now to prepare you for that moment when it arrives.
Here are five lessons I’ve learned along the way that might help you:
- Learn to say “no” and use it regularly. Any client I’ve worked with has heard me say this ad nauseum. What must you say NO to in order to say YES to something empowering, high-impact, and aligned with your objectives? This is all about setting priorities and being relentless in sticking to them. A re-prioritized version of you might disappoint or even piss some people off. For others, it will inspire them to start saying “no” more themselves. Either way, that’s about them. You do you.
- Set boundaries and honor them. Creating clarity around what fuels you and what drains you is key. What or who is in? What or who is out? What will you start doing? What will you stop doing? For example, I’ve ended relationships that had become toxic over time. Oof – not easy! But when that space and energy freed up and I felt the shift within, I knew I had made the right call for my wellbeing.
- Notice where you are overbooking and overcommitting yourself and either eliminate it or minimize your participation. Identify what is essential to have in your life. Distinguish these from “nice to haves” and outdated obligations or routines. This one requires self-awareness and vigilance. Overcommitting is a habit that’s likely ingrained in your operating system. You have to be able to notice when you’re teetering in that direction in order to pull back and make a conscious choice.
- “Me time” isn’t optional. Determine what it looks like for you and treat it as sacred. Maybe it’s 15 minutes a day, maybe it’s one hour 2x / week. You get to decide how much and what to use it for. Without a commitment and a plan, you’re more likely to give it up. Schedule it on your calendar. For me, it’s a daily workout. During this intense stretch caring for my mom, I fell off track and felt the repercussions almost immediately. I didn’t beat myself up, though. I recognized what I needed and found a flexible way to plug it back in. Temporary crisis, temporary adjustment, still getting what I need.
- Invite and accept help. We are human beings. We don’t conquer the world alone. Let those who care about you be of assistance the same way you would be there for them. Letting others be present for you is a powerful way to strengthen that bond and keep yourself fueled up until you are back in a “normal” gear.
If you recognize the need to gain perspective and prepare for any tough moments that might lie ahead, reach out.
In the meantime, take real care of yourself.